"...time is never time at all..."

I have so little time these days. I am so sorry about my disappearing act, but school, funeral, seminary, voice lessons, chorus, and HOMEWORK oh my goodness! I miss my blogs like CRAZZYY and my all fave blogs/bloggers too, but I'm going to have to stay hidden for a little while longer!!! Love you all, and miss your blogz!!

Until life is calm,

Savy <3

"When there's no where else to run, is there room for one more song?..."

Thank you cowgirl4christ for this award <3

I would like to present this award to 3 inspirational bloggers for 4 very inspirational blogs:

cowgirl4christ for her blog Keep On Living.

Amy for her blog My Pointe Of View

Amy and cowgirl4christ for their blog Our.Inspiration.<3

meh for her blog Neon City Lights

***

Inspiration is a strange thing. It comes in many forms and is, in many ways, very unexpected. Inspiration is the rock for all good ideas, all success, all dreams. Inspiration can change a person in an instant. It can change the world in an instant. Inspiration builds love and respect. It saves lives and makes lives. It's what defines a person.

A person very recently has inspired me with the most simplest of statements ever said:

"Keep singing!" ~Adam Lambert

Recently while I was in DC I went to the American Idols Live! Tour concert at the Verizon Center. It was amazing, Adam was absolutely divine <3

While waiting backstage for him to come out, I met a guy named CJ. We are now friends and I just want to give a shout out to him :)

So Adam did not come out and my mom and I went back to the hotel in despair. We stopped at CVS to get some drinks and as we came out we saw their silver tour bus. And people. And SCREAMING! SO we ran, but were seconds too late. It turns out that the top 10 American Idol people were staying in the hotel across the street from us! I could see into Adam and Allison's room from my hotel window! It was INCREDIBLE!

So morning comes and we figure they're gone. We searched everywhere, no Adam. It's 12pm about, and we walk out of our hotel, depressed and unprepared for what we were about to experience.

We cross the street. We see the tour buses (3 of them). We see Scott and his brother standing out side the hotel. So long story short we got to say hi to all of them (except Anoop who was already on the bus :'( ) And I got my picture with ADAM! I was star-struck. I even forgot to ask for his autograph (I am SO mad about that!!!). So I had an AMAZING time! And when he walked away he said "Keep singing!". That I will do <3

So I've been to NH to visit my friends and then NC to visit family and more friends. My amazing trip to DC was after that, I got to go to Myrtle Beach and Aruba with my mom following DC <3

And that's why I haven't been posting! I greatly apologize and ask for forgiveness! I PROMISE to write more! I have A LOT to say, but I have to go update my other blog now! I love you all!

It feels good to be back :)

"...if you can't control the beast that dwells inside it will find its place somehow, somewhere in time..."

Suppression is hard. Being judged is hard. Being forced to be someone you're not is hard. Living in a world of ignorance is hard.

I've read books and watched movies about things of such nature. I always thought about how if I was in that situation, I would stick to who I was, I would not care what other people thought of me. I realize, though, that where you live has a huge impact.

New York City is lively and diverse. You can find a strong pride for every race, religion, culture, sexuality, you name it. There are neighborhoods for EVERYTHING and everyone yet it's diverse where ever you go.

Davie County, not so much. Southern and Midwestern states (sorry to be stereotypical, but it's the truth) tend to be much more conservative and hush hush about anything or anyone that may "rock the boat". That's where all those heartbreaking stories of fighting suppression in the struggle for self-discovery come from.

Davie County, North Carolina is where I am now. I've never had a more depressing revelation. I, who live in New York City, am only staying for 2 weeks and are already expected to be different, feel the pressure to succumb to "normal" society. It's really hard. So much talk of hate towards Mexicans and black people, gay people, people with tattoos and piercings, people who marry someone different, hatred toward other countries, degrading speak of anyone who is not a white, straight, Christian. Even degrading and ignorant talk about women.

I feel like everything I do is wrong and nothing I do will be enough to win the respect of those around me. I have to win every badmitton game I play, every fight I have with my cousin (all in fun, I promise), lift everything, clean everything, do things that are painful or take a lot of strength and courage just to prove myself worthy. Just to prove that I'm not some stuck up city girl. Just to prove that I'm not a scared prissy girly girl. Just to prove that women can be just as strong as men, do just as much. But it only goes so far.

One slip of the tongue, one failure, one flaw, one crack in my armor is filled with sarcastic and demeaning comments, laughter, the dark enjoyment of watching me fail to show the world all that I am [not].

The jokes, the laughter, the "good humored" remarks wear away continuously at people's pride. I understand how people who live and grow up in these places wear painted smiles and sing bulletproof notes of joy.

When I meet friends and family, walk down the street, people stare with cold judgmental eyes. The air is thick with lies, gossip and hidden feelings blanketed with carefree ignorance. It makes me want to cry when everything anyone says has the same tone, the same intention. Words are carefully cropped to fit into the mold of society and not show feeling. Feelings and thoughts are carefully locked away. Conversations go no deeper than your skin. The worst, sickening part is that there is no escape. When you tell your friends a secret, you leave out what they shouldn't know. When an idea sparks in your head, you can't tell mommy the whole thing. If you feel bad about doing something, you mention it with no real strength, no intention. Every emotion is locked inside and no one every tells the real story, not even when it matters. Not even to themselves.

No wonder being different is out casted. Wearing, thinking, saying, etc. different things is a way of expression. Showing how you feel. Unacceptable. It's a world of painted smiles and glass eyes living in a field of fear in the dark, overgrown with ignorance, lost ambition and dreams long dead and buried. Eat, work, farm, drive, smile, sleep, and avoid the opinions and ideas burning in your head. Fear the unknown=avoid the unknown=ignorance=lazy selfishness.

Ignorance stops progress. Ignorance kills love. Ignorance is the root of dysfunction. Ignorance hurts the educated. Ignorance is easy. Ignorance is safe (or at least we can pretend it is). Ignorance causes pain. Ignorance causes conflict. Ignorance is Satan's discrete and virtually undetectable way of causing havoc, hatred and war.

Ignorance is absolutely selfish.

The Movement Of Life: Death

Death. It's such a dark, abrupt word. Such a dark, abrupt topic that is often left unspoken, undiscussed. But recently it has been a slap in the face for many people I know. And a shadow lurking for many others.

Death makes a ripple through the world and affects everyone. It affects a friend who affects a parent who affects a coworker who affects a spouse and so on. The death of a worldwide inspiration can bring people together. The death of a mutual friend helps spark new beginnings. The death of a beloved family member puts life into a new perspective.

Death puts value on life. Without death, there would be no fear of dying. Without death, there would be no well needed affect of a war or an attack. Death puts meaning and emotion into everything we do. It drives us to be the best person we can be. It helps us to set goals and work to achieve. It is how we progress, how courage comes to be, how heroism is of importance, how love makes us close our eyes and leap. Because there is an end to all things in this universe.

We have to accept death when it comes. Know that there is a rhyme and reason to all that happens and that the rhythm of life is not against you but is just simply beating. Tapping out God's lyrics to existence. We can learn a lot from death. We learn how to deal with emotional pain, how to comfort others, how to respect and enjoy life. Death is the end of a person's body, but success, achievements, relationships, souls; they are all left behind to inspire others. Death is the beginning of trials and tests for those left on Earth. A time to refresh our ideas on living.

Everything that happens is music. Everything plays into the complicated piece that continues to compose itself. The end of someone's body is a short rest or a slight key change. It changes in the smallest of ways, but has a huge impact. Death happens. Remember, though, that what happens has to happen to make music.

It may seem like the end of your score, but you're just simply turning the page.

Quick Note!

I have many thins to say, but no time to say it right now. I got a new template that I LOVE except I have to apologize for the difficulty in seeing the font. Sorry...

I will add my gadgets in soon, don't worry!

Graduation was Friday and this coming Friday is the last day of school for me, woot woot! So I will be able to post more with my new MacBook Pro :D (I love my parents <3)

Will post soon!

My Inspiration

So many things have happened. I've been so busy and swamped with things to do. Graduation is coming up, lots of final projects/tests/portfolios, chorus, Stuyvesant orientation (including my math placement test), and memories of the last nine years at my school hitting me like a truck that I'm trying to avoid.

My friend came down from New Hampshire with her two friends. We had lots of fun hanging out and exploring New York City :) We went to see Wicked together, also. For those of you who don't know, Wicked is a Broadway show that plays in the Gershwin Theater. It's incredibly expensive (as most Broadway shows are) but just amazing to watch (" "). We sat really close and even though it was my second time seeing Wicked, I was blown away. I was SO much closer than I was the first time and I was old enough to really appreciate the whole thing.

This time, though, it hit me in a way that I wasn't expecting.

Earlier before, I had been doing concerts at the Joyce theater with a select few from my chorus to sing in the beginning and end of a dance performance by the Stephen Petronio  dance company. Seeing the dancers stretch, warm up and practice before the show fascinated me and watching the bits that happened during our singing was great. I had an amazing time being in the theater and it touched me and interested me in a way I couldn't describe.

When I went to see Wicked, I had goosebumps down my arms the entire time. I was enthralled! Every note, every movement, just called to me. Watching the dancers and the singers, the different parts, the way the music and the story line fit together, the lighting, the sets, the costumes, make-up, the way the principles projected and stage whispered; it was amazing. My heart was twisting around inside my chest, I kid you not. I longed to be up there, surrounded by talent and beauty. I itched to sing my heart out on that stage. So it just hit me. I want to be in theater. I want to be in musicals.

So my goal is to start eating healthier and work out every day. Stretch every morning and every night. Start taking ballet again. Start working with my mother on my singing technique and try to convince her to get me voice lessons. I also really want to learn to play the piano and guitar, because my dream to have a band shouldn't just die!

I'm too excited about this. It's like love! Joy and happiness and willingness to take on anything life throws at me as long as I can get what want- no, what I NEED. I need this. Every fiber in my being wants this, has to have this. I know it's hard. Waking up at 5 in the morning, standing in line for an audition, putting on make-up hastily in line, warming up with the hundred other people, singing two lines while you're sick to your stomach, being told you suck and then waking up and doing it all over again. But it's worth it (in my opinion). I think you should go for your dream no matter what it takes, despite the odds.

My band is still in my mind. Why can't I do both? Theater is like the portal to the arts and I'm free to roam around as I please. So this is just another dream. No, another goal. As Adam Lambert said, "Don't they say that you dream more when there are things you aren't attaining, that you are repressing? Well, I haven't been having any dreams lately. Now I'm in a waking dream." That's my goal.

I know this has been an incredibly boring post, but  it was such a weird revelation for me. Now that I read it over, it's also kind of cheesy, but I think that's okay as you really believe what you're saying. And I really do.

"...show me what it's like to dream in black and white..."

On Monday I got to spend some time with my dad. We went to the movies together and saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was so amazing! I love that movie! It was so moving to see the slums in India and all the children and what they go through. It's really humbling considering all the things we have here in America that we take for granted.

Then we movie hopped (yes, I movie hopped with my dad. And for the record, it was his idea lol) into Watchmen. Actually, he was going to take me into The Last House On The Left, but with previous reviews of that movie coming to mind I didn't want to be scarred for life :P. So we saw Watchmen and I am sorry to say, I was very disappointed. The plot was kind of confusing at first and there was a lot of strange and unnecessary sex scenes lol. Actually, when I finally figured out exactly what was going on, I realized it was kind of boring. Especially since the only exciting part came at the very end and there was no real plot until the second half of the movie. Sorry for being so harsh on poor Watchmen, maybe it's just because I haven't read the comics. I liked Rorschach, though and the story was good, I just wish that there would have been more back round of their old crime fighting days.

So that was Monday. Wednesday, our grade took a trip to the Bronx Zoo. It was freezing cold and snowed for a majority of the trip, but it was still fun to hang out outside of school with all my friends.

Spring break has already brought a sleepover my way! Last night I went to Michael's house and Adrian, Casey, Lizzy, Michael and I played Gears Of War 2 all night long until AD (Adrian) had to leave and then us girls stayed up playing "Would You Rather..." and "If We Were Stuck On A Desert Island With People We All Knew, Who Would We Use For What?". It was really fun! We decided Casey would be used to make pretty children, Michael would tell stories and help figure out strategies and things, Lizzy would watch for boats/helicopters and be in charge of the fire, and I would burn the dead bodies. Do not ask how I got landed with that job. Particularly because I would have to tell you that it was my idea :P

I've been liking the weather in NYC lately. No one else seems to be liking it, though. Even though it's spring, it's been very cold and rainy. The weather has been my favorite this week though because it's that on-the-chilly-side temperature with that bluish gray sky. You know, that about-to-rain feeling? I love that type of weather. It's so peaceful because there's hardly anyone outside and it's very quiet (in NYC terms) and I just love to turn off all the lights in my apartment and sit in the living room with the gray light dimly illuminating the floor. I can see the reflection of the window on the floor and I sit and listen to my neighbors upstairs (?) playing the piano. This one person practices the piano a lot and it's really interesting because I can hear them getting progressively better each time they play. I'm actually listening to them right now and I really do have to say that they're getting really good, hardly any mess ups.

For some reason I find it amazing that I've been listening to this person learn piano pieces and practicing and practicing and getting really good. I can hear when they stop and redo a part ad when they get it just right. My mom used to play the piano really well when she was younger and it reminds her of practicing the same songs. I think it's fascinating to hear someone work really hard at something they love and hear them get better and better and it feels like I have this connection to this person. To think one day I could be reading about some famous concert pianist and it could be my neighbor. I know I seem to be exaggerating, but isn't that how everyone starts off? Acting out your favorite parts in movies in your room, singing in the shower and when no one's around, drawing sketches in your free time, dancing in your garage, practicing on the family piano. And then one day your an actor, a Broadway star, an artist, a ballerina, a concert pianist. And when a reporter asks you how you got started, you answer with "I always had this dream when I was a kid..."

So if they can do it, why can't we? We're kids(/teenagers), we have dreams, so what's stopping us? So many people make the mistake that their idols, their heroes, are so different from themselves. But we all have dreams, right?

So this is for fugi, my triple threat actor friend

Casey, the first woman in the Special Forces

Jason, the most famous guitarist in the world

Amy, the famous ballerina

and all of my other friends whose dreams I may not know, but may they come true no matter what!