"...things have changed for me and that's okay..."

Have you ever hit a point in your life where you feel that you're finally in control? That wild, never-gonna-happen dreams are reality? When you finally look back and realized that things have changed? I have. I used to be completely dependent on other's opinions of me. I never thought I looked good and there was never a day in my life where I could go to school and think "I look good today. I feel really happy and confident." I always clung to my friends and was very paranoid about being alone, because I needed what other people thought of me to drive me to do things. I used to have dreams of being really independent and hanging out with boys and being cool and dressing in black and red and fishnet gloves and being loud and funny and outgoing and being different. I would daydream of hanging out with guys and not prissy girly-girls and I'd have some close girlfriends like me. I would dream of being myself, doing cool things, going to rock concerts with my friends, shopping with them, going to college and partying. Now I moved on from my child's dreams. And I realized that I went to a rock concert, I shop at Hot Topic, I sit at the boys table at lunch, I could care less what people think of me and these are all little kid dreams I had that I thought would never happen. I can look my friends in the eye and disagree with them on something or admit I don't know some "cool" band to them without being scared that they won't be my friend. Even if they freak and say that everybody knows this singer, I can shrug and say "Not me!" without feeling stupid. There are so many microscopic dreams of mine that I've forgotten about that have come true. So why can't my other ones come true? Why can't yours? I have Gerard Way to thank for this and another one of my friends (who I'm not going to name) for understanding me and relating to me and helping me out without even knowing it.
Thanks.

Shopping!

Shopping shopping shopping! Omg I am SO excited! Okay, okay, okay, I'll start from the begining. My friends Sarah and Dagny (they said it was fine if I used their first names) came over to my house for my early birthday party. We went out to eat and my mother took us to the Jersey Gardens Mall. My mother went off to shop somewhere while Sarah and Dagny and I went to Old Navy. We spent an hour in there picking out stuff and trying it on. It was really fun to just whip out a bunch of $20 bills and pay for anything and everything (I had $220 on me). We finally realized we spent too much time there since we started shopping later than planned. Next up.... Hot Topic!

I have to say that Dagny is very nice, but very rich (I mean literally rich), very preppy and the poster girl for Abercrombie & Fitch. All she wanted to go to was Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, Aeropostale, etc. So when we stepped into HT she almost had a heart attack. "I remember when you used to wear flower dresses! Now..." she said at one point. Sarah on the other hand thought it was a great store. She bought an MCR T-shirt and a wrist band that said "sharing is caring" (because ahe ALWAYS says that when she wants something), but it had a guy with a girl holding his hand on either side of him. lol :D Dagny bought a pair of nice peacock earrings. But I, yes I, spent almost ALL of my money on that store. I bought The Black Parade Is Dead! shirt, a Queen shirt, a fishnet shrug, black and white arm warmers, and a really cute skirt! You probably don't think that's alot, but Hot Topic is a very expensive store. I REALLY wanted these really great red skinny jeans, but they didn't have my size! >.<>

(HT model, not me)

I went to Claire's and got a headband and a bracelet. Dagny got some stuff for her little sister. Then we went to F.Y.E. and I got a Panic(!) CD. I didn't have enough money to buy the DVD though :(

Dagny finally got her wish and we went to A&F. She loved it! Sarah and I sat outside on the chairs resting while she ran around looking at stuff. When we first walked in, some really hot guy smiled and said "how are you girls today?" and he was just gorgeous! But don't you think that's interesting? That's all he did all day. You know why? Because he was a poster boy A&F type of person. They run the fashion world. What's cool, what's not, how you should look, how you should act, etc. If they told people to stop breathing, 92% of teens would drop dead!

So then we went to Hollister. It's actually a really great store, they have a lot of great stuff (I was surprised at myself that I liked it because I'm such an anti-conformist). And they were having a sale! (which means normal prices. A&F had a sale too, but they were still unbelievably expensive) So I bought two really nice shirts. I loved it there. The store had tinted windows and it was all brown inside. It looked like a cave. And they played great music! If only it was cheaper...

Back home we all had double chocolate cake and key lime pie with ice cream. We laughed and sang and had a lot of fun. By the time they left it was 12 am!

My dad got me an iPod nano! Yay! But I still feel loyal to my mini...

Well, sleep is all I did after that. Now I'm going to pack for Vancouver! Oh my gosh! That's tomorrow! Hate to abandon you so unceremoniously, but gotta go! Bye!

"...school's out for Summer!..."

School's out! Finally! Yesterday was my last day at school. Man, it feels good to be free. No homework, no school drama, no high school pressure, no Ms. Lowenstein! Hallelujah! Oh! Oh! Guess what? My dad (aka: the greatest guy ever) bought me a "Live and Rare" MCR CD, Life On The Murder Scene, and the Fall Out Boy "Live in Phoenix" DVD. I'm so happy! I'm definitely in for some major video watching, considering I didn't even watch my first MCR DVD. How awesome will this Summer be?!

More news: Monday's my B'day, but since I'm leaving for Vancouver on Sunday today my friends Chithenga (from school) and Miller (from before preschool!) are going shopping with me at the Jersey Gardens Mall. I'm planning on spending the bulk of my money at Hot Topic.

Hey, new subject. This morning (yes, THIS morning and yes, I realize it's 8:20) I finished reading this book called "Rainbow High". It's the sequel to the first book, "Rainbow Boys", in the series by Alex Sanchez. I first read "Rainbow Boys" in sixth grade and earlier this year I remembered it and reminded my friend of it. She said there were two books following it so I went and bought the second. Unfortunately, more than halfway through the book, my forgetful self and I lost it. Yesterday I bought it again! It was great.


"Rainbow Boys" by Alex Sanchez

This book is about three teenage boys trying to make sense of their lives in high school. Jason Castillo, the best looking athlete in the school, is trying to figure out if he's gay. Kyle Meeks is gay, but doesn't know how to tell his parents. Nelson Glassman is gay and the world knows it. And for that he pays the price of being taunted and bullied and beaten by the many homophobes in the school.
The way Sanchez sets up the characters, they are very complete. Their situations are believable and it's really an inside look at what some teenage boys really go through in life.


Of course, if I gave you a summary of "Rainbow High" it would give away the ending to RB. And I wouldn't want to do that, would I? :P So here's his site (I haven't really looked at it): www.alexsanchez.com

Well, I have to go. I'll try and post before Vancouver, but if not then I'll see you all in about 10 days! Bye!

"...crying 'FREEDOM!'..."

Sorry I haven't been posting lately, but I've been working on my ELA project that was due yesterday. After working on it and science homework since 3pm I finally collapsed into bed around 2:40am on Thursday. Luckily, I did end up finishing my project. See? Procrastination does make perfect ;)

Anyway, let me give you an update on the week. On Monday Santana asked me out (which in our school means being boyfriend and girlfriend without actually going on a date) and I said yes because he wrote this really mature, considerate letter to me and he's my friend anyway. Also, it's almost the end of the school year. On Monday Casey started going out with Martinez which was bad because he's a possessive jerk and he broke up with her last year on Valentine's Day. On Tuesday she found out her friend Rivera was going to ask her out when Martinez did so on Wednesday she broke up with Martinez (also he was following her around everywhere and always touching her). The same day she said yes to Rivera, but remembered her parents said she couldn't go out with anyone and said everyone was pressuring her so she broke it off with Rivera on Thursday. He understood, but Victor wouldn't leave her alone and he made her brownies and kept saying he loves her. Casey left for Utah early Friday morning so she wasn't at school. Mora keeps flirting with me cause he doesn't know I'm going out with Santana and meanwhile Peguero kissed [I don't know his last name] by force. She is way too controlling in their relationship, it's not going to end well. Also, Melendez asked Rivera out and he said no so Reid asked her out cause she felt bad. Then he explained the real reason why he asked her out and now her and her friends are mad at Reid. The whole time I'm staying up till 12am finishing my math and ELA project and texting 5 people at once trying to straighten out every one's problems. As you can probably guess, I need a break from school.

But good news: NO MORE SCHOOL WORK!!! The books closed on Friday and now all we're going to do for our last 4 days is clean, pack and go to the park! Yay! No tests, no projects, no school work, no homework. This is going to be fun.

I started getting into the habit of watching MTV and Fuse lately so now I have a lot of awesome music to share. Check up on [enter creative blog title here] this week because I'm gonna have a lot of free time (woo hoo!).

See you all later! Bye!

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day!!! If you are a father or if you have one, wish a happy father's day to yourself/him from me!!!!! (and from you I guess) Unfortunately, I am very sick. So I just came on to wish all a happy father's day and now I will sleep. Again.

...Swaying blade my lullaby...

Happy Friday the 13th! I'm not very superstitious so the day was normal for me. No bad luck. Actually, good luck considering that I finished my science project. Now all I have to do is a math project and an ELA project. *shudder* I'm so behind on my math... Anyway, today after school my mom and I went to get our nails done. That's like one of the "mother/daughter bonding" times that we have. Gross. That sounded so cheesy. But we did our nails and I got (this is so funny because I swear my feet are completely different than the rest of me) black on my nails with an awesome white-and-silver design on the thumbs (for free! Thank you Korean lady!) and "Ballet Slippers" pink on my toes. That's right. PINK. But it's actually a really super light pink that's almost white. It actually does look like those whitish, worn out ballet slippers. But I love both colors, especially my nails cause the design is awesome. It's like a feather of silver and white spurting from the corner. I love it!

Well today I want to talk about some of the greatest short stories ever. For my ELA project, I have to read 2 books, do a retelling of both and design a reading log in 8 days. And-like always-there is a LOT of extra credit stuff that we can do like an opinion, a rating, adding designs on the log, top five reasons why I would recommend it....etc. So, I asked her (since I felt it impossible to read 2 books in 8 days and still comprehend it on top of doing everything else) if I could read a bunch of short stories by..... Edgar Allen Poe! And she said it was alright! So I'm here to share with you two of my favorite stories.

The Pit and the Pendulum

This is the story that the song The Poet and the Pendulum is based off of. It's about a man who is captured by an Inquisition and then put in a giant, metal pit. He spends at least 2 days trying to figure out the size and shape of the pit in the pitch black darkness. When he wakes up, he finds a loaf of bread and a pitcher of water. He is beyond thirsty at this point, so he drinks and gets drugged. Upon waking he finds himself on the floor, bound to a wood plank. A perfectly seasoned steak lays next to him on a plate, but there is no water. Above him swings a pendulum that is slowly, millimeter by millimeter, descending. He shoos rats away as they eat his steak and bite his hand. For days he lays there with no water and a descending pendulum above him. Then, as it starts to shred his robes, he starts rubbing the bindings, causing the rats to bite his hand and chew off the ropes just in time. Well, just in time for the pendulum to ascend and the walls of the pit start to close in. There is another pit in the center of the floor that is filled with human cries and fire(?). Just as he slid over the edge to the pit, the walls move out and some French guy saves him.

I found the ending very disappointing. I know the guy was French and this Inquisition was torturing him as a captive, but where did the French savior come from?! And there was so much suspense building up to his death and then he lived! I personally thought the pendulum should have killed him, but maybe that's just me...


The Tell-Tale Heart

This is the first story I ever read by Poe. It's about a man who is good friends with another man. But the friend has a weird blue eye. So the main character decides to kill him. (okay...) Every night at midnight the main character sticks his head in the door and opens a lantern just enough so a stream of light falls upon the eye. But the eye is always closed. Then one night the old man wakes up. The main character waits with his head and the lantern in the door because it's pitch black and he knows the man can't see him. He can hear the old man's heart beat in his ear. Then he opens the lantern upon the eye and it's open so he gets angry at the eye and throws the bed over the man and crushes him. (again, okay...) Then He dismembers the body in the bathtub and hides the pieces under the floor boards. he cleans up everything and then the police come. They say that they heard someone shriek. He says that he's watching over the house because the old man is away and it was he who shrieked during his dream. The police search everywhere but found nothing, so the guy pulls in three chairs into the very room that he hid the body (because he's so confident) and chats with the police. Then he starts hearing the pounding of the dead guy's heart in his ear. And he starts getting restless and the pounding gets louder and louder and louder. And finally he screams that it was him who killed the man and his body is hidden under the floor boards.

I love this story because I love the detailed way the Poe describes everything and I LOVE the way he describes the man getting up and pacing and thrashing his chair around and the police laughing and chatting. You would think the police would notice all this, but it's what the man sees and hears within the state of his guilt and insanity.


I really love Edgar Allen Poe, he writes amazing stories and poems. You should all read them! so on that note, goodbye!

Attack of the Green Teenagers

I'm alive! (I'm alive! I'm alive! I can feel you all around me...) The picnic was kinda fun! I didn't wear green (which I wasn't planning to) and we walked FOREVER to get to a spot to eat. Then, hot and tired, we ate and talked. Then, (again, last names will be used) Chithenga and I feebly attempted to play badmitten but ended up collapsing in the grass and chatting. Then we did the team "sports" which really ended up being a relay race and a hula hoop game where we all held hands and sent a hula hoop down the line. We all had to fit through it without breaking the chain or letting it touch the ground. After that I was so hot. It ws 110 degrees out! And all the water that Ried poured on me had dried up. So our science teachers took about 20 kids (out of 120) back to school to sit in the cold science room with plenty of water, no lights and the movie "Who Framed Roger Rabbit". It was a relief.

I don't have much more to say. Life is slow and I have LOTS of projects to work on and I'm very behind. I procrastinate remember? So I will post when I'm less busy. Bye!